long week

Monday morning we got the news that we have been dreading for a while now. My Grandad finally lost his battle with lung cancer. As heartbreaking as it was, and still is, I was relieved to know that his suffering was over. Its been difficult to see such a proud, robust man like him withering away into nothing, losing all of his autonomy, and worrying so much about everything.
The thing about losing a grandparent is that it means a chapter in your life is over. So much of my life involves memories of him. I think about the silly names he had for all of us--Bird, Princess, Tooter, Firecracker, Boxcar Annie (yep that was me!) or the dirty jokes that he loved to tell. Or how he could go on and on (and on) about the latest horse race. or how he sat on the back porch listening to the Rangers games (we were thrilled that he lived to see them make it to the World Series). Or how you didn't dare tell him your tooth was loose or it was gonna come out right then ("see this here string on the door.."). Or the five dollars that we got for a good report card. or the time he gave my husband a spoonful of chow chow--Daniel should have known better than to take something like that from him:) or how proud he was as he showed you the latest flowers he had planted in the yard. You get the point...
I am so grateful and blessed that I was able to have him in my life for 30 years. I got to see how proud he was of me when I graduated from high school and then later from college. He was there when I married the love of my life. I was flattered that he thought highly enough of my husband that he was included with the grandsons as one of the pallbearers. He got to hold my first born child, and then later my second. It makes me sad knowing that Emerson will never get the chance to know him, but I have no doubt he will be looking down watching her grow up.
He was not a perfect man by any means, but I loved him dearly nonetheless. I can't wait to see him again.